Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
this hospital has no fireball
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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