I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
