When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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