She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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