I CAN MOONWALK!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize