Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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