She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
