She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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