new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
