I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
