You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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