dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
