dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
