The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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