Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
