highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize