great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
