don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
