We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
NoShamevember. You game?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
