Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
