What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
