We're like a lot better than the average bears
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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