I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
