According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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