How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
