yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
