I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cockslap morals
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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