Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
