Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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