I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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