turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
