quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
