i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I love having hate sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
