i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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