lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he thought i was a dude.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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