pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
