Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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