finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
