i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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