You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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