I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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