Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
