I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
