The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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