I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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