69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
