Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
