He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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