Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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