Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
