he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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