im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
