hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
