32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
