if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
