We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
