i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
