i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
