My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
