I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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