I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
