I think I died a long time ago.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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