Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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