Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
