I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
