At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dicks are not precious.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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