What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
