I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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