God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
