Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
