he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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