kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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