i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
