do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i think i just lost a toe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
