omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
