wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
