NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
