bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
